Innocence Regained

Innocence Regained

We are born innocent, intuitive, and confident. Decisions are made based on our own desires at that specific instance in time- the influence of others has not yet permeated our vulnerable minds and self-doubt is still a foreign concept. Days are spent playing tag with the neighbor kids and nights with scary stories and sleepovers. We are young. We are alive. We are reverberating with a zest for life that is unparalleled to any other form of energy in this world. We are utterly human.

As every story goes, the villain inevitably steps foot on the scene. But in my life, and I am sure in the lives of many others growing up in this generation, the evil is the plague of self-doubt that is left virtually unacknowledged by the public, leaving us feeling shameful and worthless at times. We begin our lives through pure absorption; our surroundings become our beliefs and we are saturated with endless knowledge. However, we are not taught to sift through this information by relinquishing what afflicts us and clinging on to what compels us. We ask our parents and grandparents questions. Their responses become our absolute truths. The bully on the playground calls us fat and ugly. We believe them. There is no question. These are now our truths and we are now the victims of their emotional abuse.


But how life-sucking this task is. Days no longer start with an optimistic smile, but with the daunting sentiment of self-doubt. The plague has rid us of thinking spontaneously for the fear that we may disappoint. Relationships are shrouded in insecurity and fear of the unknown. We live each and every day with the utmost expectations, only to find ourselves falling short time and time again. We have lost all confidence, and without it we have lost ourselves.

Yet this plague is not fatal. We have all of the means to fight off the symptoms of self-doubt and insecurity. We have been sick for a long time, but no amount of work is too tremendous to be worth the healing. But this journey towards health must come from within. No amount of comfort from others can mend the wound that has ripped through our self-confidence. This is an inside job.

We must no longer believe the opinions of others before our own and stop evaluating our self-worth based on what others may think of us. We must stop living in the fear of tomorrow and start living in the present, for tomorrow is a separate battle and we have no armor with which to defend ourselves yet. We must stop placing the blame of our own insecurities on others and tune inwards to assess what our fears actually mean. This involves feeling our emotions, truly acknowledging the source behind them, not just setting them on the back burner, for at some point the pot will overflow. We must live our lives with the intention of self respect and kindness. For when we heal ourselves, the rest will fall into place. Confidence will radiate through our bones, and our words will speak to our genuine intuition. We will achieve a level of self love that has not yet been conceptualized by our minds. This is self discovery and we are fully capable.

When we find ourselves we will become that little kid who wandered barefoot on the freshly mowed lawn again. We can wake up each morning with a smile on our face, knowing that we are loved, not just by others but by our own selves. We have stumbled upon a time machine of sorts that has brought us back to our intuitive days of childhood, but now we are wiser. We know not to step foot in the traps of ignorance, and we are prepared to start living our lives as the captain of our own ships. The plague is behind us and we are ready to begin anew.